Tak, the inspector of Eggs.

In the grand scheme of ‘plans that totally shouldn’t work but did’ I came up with a few doozies today.


After we decided to take a short nap to boost our available powers, we headed on up to the floating tower. Half way up, we were set upon by flying kobolds. To be honest, I never thought I’d get the chance to say “Flying Kobolds” so today was off to a flying (hah) start.

Flying beasties prove to be somewhat of a problem for our close combat orientated group, and it took a little longer than normal to dispatch these buggers.

After that, it was a simple case of reapplying the polymorph spell to drax to turn him into an eagle, and getting him to ferry us up to the floating platform.

Now, I’m not one to toot my own horn. I’ve heard its not the thing to do in polite company, but what came next was genius. I spotted a group of three Kobolds eating their breakfast on the next level of the tower, and I strode in, pretending to belong.

“Good afternoon gentlefolk” I began. “I’m the Egg inspector, here to check everything is in order. I’m to make sure correct procedure is being followed.”

With creatures of normal intelligence I’d be wearing a coat of arrows already, but the Kobolds stopped what they were doing, and took a moment to consider this. One of the Kobolds even took this chance to present me with his breakfast, which oddly included an egg. Where he got it, I’ll never know.

“it says here on the list that I should expect to find a non-winged one here, by the name of ‘Dirt’. Where is he?” This may have been pushing my luck, trying to send them away.

One of them spat into the void below the room. “Him stupidhead, and not supposed to be up here!”

It answered, and I got the impression I was stretching this a little far.

“Ok, I’ll call in my team for advice, you wait there!”

I beckoned to Tia, Eagle Drax and Maeb. They hurried to join me. Tia whispered garbage to me, and I replied to the Kobolds. “Ok, you’re fine for now, we need to head on up to check the eggs above. With that, we all hurried up the stairs away from them, waiting on any sign of pursuit. None came.

On the floor above, we came across a number of items that totally didn’t require ransacking the room. Tia found a spellbook. Maeb found floating rocks strung together with rope, and Drax found inner peace in being a giant eagle.

I got bored of waiting for them, and carried on up the stairs. As I crested the stairwell the most beautiful site greeted me. A giant dragon (possibly) skull, upon a crudely crafted wooden body.

Where a crudely crafted statue sits, generally there lays a large amount of stupid followers. My ‘stupid plan’ sense was tingling, and beckoning to Tia’vari I begged her to make me invisible. Some may say begged was too strong a word, but I was literally on my knees giggling at this point.

Tia’vari, not one for ignoring the signs, cast the spell, and turned invisible herself also.

I stepped forwards, and raised the fake skull up. I placed it firmly upon my head, and turned to face the crowd of Kobolds in the midst of a worship. I took a deep breath, and in my best Draconic I started my speech.

“Minions. Stop thy worship. Our tower is under attack from non-believers. I need you to hurry down to ground level and protect us!”

I’m going to stop you here, and explain exactly what I thought would happen.

There were about 20 Kobolds worshipping at this altar, including one in fancy robes. Behind him, a large air elemental hovered in place.

What I expected to happen was approximately half of them would get confused, giving us 5-10 seconds to attack them without taking a shedload of arrows in the face.

What I didn’t expect to happen was that every single Kobold in the place took wing, and flew outside to protect the tower, leaving only the air elemental between us and the mystic egg.

Sometimes the genius of my plans shocks even me!

A few swipes from my colleagues, and the air elemental dissipated. Yay!

With it going, its control over the tower faded, and as a result it started to list.


We ran, as fast as our legs would carry up, down to the lowest level. The plan here was to jump ship, landing back on the lower part of the tower.

It was a good plan, with one minor flaw. The lower part of the tower was a good half a mile away now and increasing.

Well. Balls. Maybe that elemental was good for something after all.